Effing much! Duh...

Every morning I wake up and go through with my day....at the end, I sigh.....what was so good about it?

Now, don't even dare to think am writing a philosophy research paper on "Happiness in life" because I am not! Take yesterday for example...neither did I turn Superwoman and save the day, nor did I win the Nobel Prize. Sigh! But that's my incompetency. When I was a kid (strange...using the past tense), I used to dream of being whisked away to Hogwarts by Hagrid....When my 11th birthday came, my parents didn't know WHY I was so upset despite having done everything they could do to make my birthday special! You see, they didn't BELIEVE  that Hagrid would come.


Soooo, I gathered I am not gonna be a witch...not a pretty good thought you know! Flying away aboard my very own Firebolt was a route...an escape route...from what I couldn't possibly tell! But it seemed a good idea that time. Seems like, it still is...may be not the Firebolt...but the running away part!


Sigh...............too many dots....indicates the recent gap I am suffering from, almost like a block! Speaking of blocks, I FINALLY overcame my reader's block AAAAANNNNDDDD finished Jeffrey Archer's False Impressions in a flat 4 hours reading session. What used to be an engaging pastime has turned into the toughest exam for me - reading! Always an avid reader, imagine my shock when I used to be staring at a page for half hour or so and realising that I've managed to read only 5 effing words!!! Being able to finish a WHOLE novel was equal to an achievement!


Achievements! Another thread.....almost everything I do nowadays feels like one! Am so exhausted all the time that even the effort of typing has become nothing short of a 'dream come true' ....Just 5 minutes back, my cousin called and made plans for dinner out tonight! Nothing new...but the very task of getting up from my comfy bed and dressing up for an outing no longer holds appeal! Sigh....guess the years are finally catching up on me! To cap it, I have to wash my hair too because I was just too lazy to do it in the morning! See, I feel like a 200 kg 80 year old lump! SIGH! I need a boost up! I need chocolate! ...........................................ummm, okay I feel better!!! Nothing like a good old bar of dairy milk !! Aaaahhhh! Chocolate is most definitely the food of the gods!


When I made this blog, I made myself promise never to hit the backspace while typing except for the usual typing mistakes....guess if I keep it up, all I will be posting is this sort of haphazard thoughts! Bah :/ who cares??? Do you?

The line....!

Often, I wonder if there is an invisible line that forbids us from wrong doing...most of us have grown up hearing the famous phrase "do not cross your limit" from our parents and I guess have wondered the same, WHAT is the limit?

Somehow my line seems a little blurred nowadays....like the distinction between scarlet and red (I am blissfully unaware of it) my sense of right and wrong gets blurred...somehow what I thought was wrong yesterday seems more and more right nowadays and the things I hoped are right seem so much like a clumsy blunder I might have made in my sleep....probably like the phone call we get in the middle of the night and we mumble a few incomprehensible words and then conveniently forgetting it the next day.

Perhaps, I am in a state of slumber .....perhaps I have always been...but it is painful to wake up. Who is the culprit? Time? Age? Emotions? Sometimes, life seems extremely stupid. The things we pay most attention to, extremely trivial. The fights we have, extremely silly. The things we buy, extremely worthless. Often, we are so swayed by our own emotions, we hardly realize the gravity of our decision. Hence takes birth REGRET...

Its strange how the things we build up for expulsion somehow always remains within. Like a mad old collector, we hungrily and almost jealously guard our sentiments. Not for selfish gain....but almost always in fear....fear of being exposed. By now, I am seriously at a loss as to where this post is going but as I said, almost everything seems to be blurred to me.

Its been a month I came home. A month my books are lying abandoned, collecting dust. A month I've been thinking.....what am I doing? what am I going to do? A month of having the novelty of a TV in my bedroom. A month. Surprising how much time I can waste by simply doing NOTHING. Nothing worth mentioning, that is.......so, my holiday mission is to somehow achieve the size of a baby...err...teen elephant.....(evident from my diet...or rather the lack of it). And guess what? I might just get that PhD degree in HARRY POTTER....I've been reading the whole series for the 150th time....this time along with fan fiction...Erm, my teacher at college told me not to use 'short paragraphs' in my answers....ruins the drama she said. Hope she doesn't mark THIS blog post! I'll be getting a zero surely. LOL.

Holidays were never nice. Its not healthy to sit idle....for me! Ridiculously weird thoughts keep haunting my brain and I keep haunting my friends asking them the weirdest questions of their life....also, holidays have always proved to be the 'self-assessment' period for me....where I keep on replaying my memories and wondering how and when and what and why they could have been different!

Ananya was right. Only the first holiday away from hostel seems fun. This one is simply dragging. I miss the hostel. Even though the food, the bathrooms, the rooms SUCK! I mean, is it ever the place? I think its the people who matter! For e.g. I'd rather die than miss my biology classes at school but I do miss my benchmates!

I think I should sign off...before I start bawling over the keyboard! Ciao!

P.S. Comments and criticism welcome! :P

This thing called "LOVE"

Love is what a mother feels for her new born child, even after a long and painful birth. When a sister runs to help her younger sibling even after a bad quarrel the night before.




Love is when a son looks forward to eating his mom's home cooked food even when he can afford 5* hotels. When a dad prays for his son's happiness even after he was abandoned in his old age.


Love is when a friend hates the person you hate even if they don't even know the culprit personally. When your plant refuses to die and bears flowers even after you forgot to water it a couple of days.

Love is when your friends plan a surprise for your birthday and you get to know about it but you go ahead and pretend to be surprised anyways. When I know writing about love has become so very common but I go ahead and publish it anyways just for the love of writing!

often...

I often wonder where I would have been if  had half the things  I had meant to do!

what if I had really exercised and lost all the extra flab?

how would my life been different?

• I would have got clothes of my size!
• I wouldn't have been falling over my OWN feet....or maybe I would have? Erm, difficult!
• I would have fitted into a rickshaw with another person.
• I wouldn't have been labelled "appy legs".

Anyways they really didn't affect me, did it? I mean I am still living without following the "PRIMARY" thingy I plan before evry holiday - lose my extra flab!

Cheers to FATTY people!

path...sigh

Seeing you, standing so far yet so near
Took me back in time.
When you'd be waiting for me
Standing just like that;
Love, adoration shining like a halo
Surrounding me in its warmth.

Yet today, I feel none of it
Even though you look just the same.
But the halo not for me
Eyes dry, throat even drier;
I try to call out to you
But the words get choked.

Because suddenly, you smile
At her, with even more adoration.
Jealously tears me up
I walk away, not really rejected;
But so very left out, so very lonely
Sadness so raw, I evade even tears.

Sorry

Sorry. I can't make everyone happy. I can't pretend that just because you don't like a movie, i'l ditch it happily too.


Can't stop talking to the people you don't talk to. Can't hate someone just because you don't like them. Can't act normally when you feel like acting normally and just accept it when you want to ignore me. 


Yeah it's distressing but I can't dance according to your tune. Can't love metal bands just because you think jazz sucks. I can't start wearing pink just because you think its hot! Can't stop loving black just because you think its goth. 


In this material world, even if its difficult to accept, I still value my immaterial emotions. Sorry. I just can't make everyone happy....