I am never good at deadlines. Let alone submitting a project before the last day, I hardly ever reach my classes on time.
Even though I live just 2 minutes away from college, I'm invariably late for class EVERY DAY! It doesn't matter whether it's a morning class or an afternoon one, I am ALWAYS late.
Even in relationships, I realise my mistakes a little too late. According to my ex, when I asked him the reason of our break up, ONE year later [see what I mean by TOO LATE?] he replied, "We were both at fault but you let your ego down too late."
7 months back, I shifted my base from my hometown to this noisy excuse of a city, Kolkata!
Being a Bengali, it is inevitable that I'll have many known people but the horde of relatives we have here surprised even my mom!
Most of these people don't know even of my existence but among these strangers live some really special people - my mom's family!
My maternal grandparents, my mom's elder sister, i.e. my Boro mashi, her family (mesho, dadabhai & didi) and my mom's younger sister, i.e. my Choto mashi. Being a clever woman, she hasn't married yet!
My Grandfather passed away earlier this year in March and neither I nor my mom had the chance to say goodbye living miles away. After his death, my grandma, i.e. my Dida, lost all zeal in life. She had always been a tiny yet strong woman with wonderful anecdotes. She had always been a strength for all of us, always perking us with her funny odd ways.
After arriving in Kolkata, I had the chance to meet her for about a handful of times, including my 19th birthday. But joining college, time was scarce. Before going back to Guwahati for Puja holidays, I met her once more, purely by coincidence. After holidays, I didn't have the 'time' to see her as in a cruel stab of fate, right after a few days of my arrival to Kolkata, she fell ill and had to be taken to the hospital.
1st there were exams and then stupid excuses, I never got the time to see her.
Sunday - the only possible day to see her, seemed too full suddenly.
Finally, as my Christmas holidays came nearer, I planned to visit her the first thing! But, before I could, fate played again - she passed away......
I vividly remember my mom's words as she called me, devoid of any emotion, "She's no more. I couldn't see her the last time."
Numb with shock, guilt and sadness couldn't measure up to what I was feeling. My mom, thousands of miles away couldn't see her.....but me??? What I did had no excuses. You may say its not your fault but I don't believe that. I am living in guilt.
Like with everything else, I was a little too late but this time, there was no extension. I missed this deadline.....forever.
The worst part - I know she's forgiven me.
As I stood next to her lifeless form, all I could remember was the words she used to say every time we parted, "Abar dekha hobe" [we'll meet again]
No......this time, nothing will work...I missed my deadline along with those unspoken words meant for you. All that is left now are the endless memories that live beyond deadline..........Dida, you'll be remembered. I promise.
Even though I live just 2 minutes away from college, I'm invariably late for class EVERY DAY! It doesn't matter whether it's a morning class or an afternoon one, I am ALWAYS late.
Even in relationships, I realise my mistakes a little too late. According to my ex, when I asked him the reason of our break up, ONE year later [see what I mean by TOO LATE?] he replied, "We were both at fault but you let your ego down too late."
7 months back, I shifted my base from my hometown to this noisy excuse of a city, Kolkata!
Being a Bengali, it is inevitable that I'll have many known people but the horde of relatives we have here surprised even my mom!
Most of these people don't know even of my existence but among these strangers live some really special people - my mom's family!
My maternal grandparents, my mom's elder sister, i.e. my Boro mashi, her family (mesho, dadabhai & didi) and my mom's younger sister, i.e. my Choto mashi. Being a clever woman, she hasn't married yet!
My Grandfather passed away earlier this year in March and neither I nor my mom had the chance to say goodbye living miles away. After his death, my grandma, i.e. my Dida, lost all zeal in life. She had always been a tiny yet strong woman with wonderful anecdotes. She had always been a strength for all of us, always perking us with her funny odd ways.
After arriving in Kolkata, I had the chance to meet her for about a handful of times, including my 19th birthday. But joining college, time was scarce. Before going back to Guwahati for Puja holidays, I met her once more, purely by coincidence. After holidays, I didn't have the 'time' to see her as in a cruel stab of fate, right after a few days of my arrival to Kolkata, she fell ill and had to be taken to the hospital.
1st there were exams and then stupid excuses, I never got the time to see her.
Sunday - the only possible day to see her, seemed too full suddenly.
Finally, as my Christmas holidays came nearer, I planned to visit her the first thing! But, before I could, fate played again - she passed away......
I vividly remember my mom's words as she called me, devoid of any emotion, "She's no more. I couldn't see her the last time."
Numb with shock, guilt and sadness couldn't measure up to what I was feeling. My mom, thousands of miles away couldn't see her.....but me??? What I did had no excuses. You may say its not your fault but I don't believe that. I am living in guilt.
Like with everything else, I was a little too late but this time, there was no extension. I missed this deadline.....forever.
The worst part - I know she's forgiven me.
As I stood next to her lifeless form, all I could remember was the words she used to say every time we parted, "Abar dekha hobe" [we'll meet again]
No......this time, nothing will work...I missed my deadline along with those unspoken words meant for you. All that is left now are the endless memories that live beyond deadline..........Dida, you'll be remembered. I promise.
Sorry for your Loss! All I can say is U never knew she shall leave for heaven. Or else I know U wud not have cared neither for days nor nights, neither sundays nor mondays, u wud have been there with her, for her.
ReplyDeleteGod has not given human beings to predict future, let alone control death.
"I shifted my base from my hometown to this noisy excuse of a city, Kolkata! Being a bengali, it is inevitable that I'll have many known people but the horde of relatives we have here, surprised even my mom!" You speak for me too..
ReplyDeleteAnd you know what, i did not meet my Dida for quite sometime now. Really miss her. So, ur blog just made me book a ticket to Delhi. Thank you. You deserve it.
I can almost feel your writing!
ReplyDeleteamazing and?
ReplyDeleteIT's not your fault.I know I would have tutted to this as well,but?.. HUG
thank u!
ReplyDeleteThis piece took my breath away. I am in tears. You just write yourself into my soul. I can feel the emotions bursting through your writing.It's not only you. We are all the same. We always take people we love for granted and then suddenly realize their value when we lose them. Stay strong. *Hugs*
ReplyDelete