Love, maybe? Punishment, yes!

Yes. I've been stupid. Again. Duped. Again. Of course you still love her. I was just a healthy distraction. Just one more among the many others. Why didn't I see it? Because I didn't want to. Because I wanted more. More than we had decided. More than you had bargained for. You might have seemed like my white knight but your armour doesn't shine. It is rusty. Of old promises. Of memories. Your memories. I may have moved ahead but you got me stranded again. Back to square one. Ha! I'm such a fool. Such a fool. And you know what's worse? You shall come back for more. And I shall embrace you. Welcome you back. Because you see, I love you. And love is sickening. It is revolting. And yet love drives us. All of us. Your love for her. My love for him. And now, my love for you. All so sickening.

Valentines Day

Like the past two years I was again date-less this V Day! Nothing new or special, because neither do I understand the concept of celebrating love on a certain one day nor do I encourage the meaningless expenditure that comes along with it.
Additionally, its quite amusing to notice how various brands are trying to earn more profit by introducing the "Valentines Week", which includes everything under the sun including a Teddy Day (where the guy is supposed to gift a Teddy to the girl) to a Kiss Day, which no one really needs an explanation to. However, this year things were done a little differently.
The four of us, Ananya, Jasmine, Suryatrisha and I decided on the concept of a "Secret Valentine" (heavily borrowed from the concept of "Secret Santa") and became each other's Valentine. As the name says, I cannot reveal at any point of time who is my Valentine and we had to buy a secret gift for our Valentine. Needless to say, mission was only half successful and though everyone did get their gifts, we just couldn't help revealing our geniuses in buying the gifts for our "Secret Valentine"! LOL.

The gifts were just the cherry on top of a cake built by an evening full of hookahs and ice creams along with Jasmine's Strawberry Shake and hours of gossip! Go girls.

Love is in the air,
Not for a day or week.
For all the moments you spend,
For all the days you look back upon with a smile.

Signing off! Ciao!

The Past Week

On the last day in the hostel Jasmine and I were fighting over a bar of Temptation Roast Almond like two four year old kids (I doubt even they do these kind of things now) and fall apart laughing and we also promised to repeat it when we are on webcam! LOWL!
Sigh I hardly realised that I'd be home so soon. Missing you guys. <3

The last week has been a long long torture. First came the day with the 6 honours where the whole department almost died. Then there was a continuous hitting of Macbeth, Puck, Demetrius, Hermia, Dacry, Elizabeth, Banquo, Jack, Lydia and also a stream of modern realities going on. My life is currently on a path of self discovery and spiritualism. LOL. Okay! That was a PJ! :D

Long back, I had written a little article on indignation, detestation, contempt and other not so "strong" emotional words. I believe hatred, anger and love are quite "strong" words to be used in a daily basis. "I hate her", "I love you" etc would hardly hold any deeper meaning if you start quoting these everyday. Lately, I am in a fix. As in a psychological one. I don't want to hate anyone. I actually don't hate people. Its unhealthy and also a waste of energy. Yeah, don't roll your eyes. I mean it. Recently though some people in my life are acting such that my resolve may just dissolve. *shake of head*

What I don't get is WHY do people have to be so complicated? Making up stories to hide their own flaws and as a result hurting others. Or simply making up stories to hurt other people. You don't along with me, well and good. But stop trying to influence others. GOD! Some people are SO jobless and then we exclaim how we never seem to have enough time.

Back home, its a riot right now. Durga Puja's here and my mom insists that we all get up early morning as a mark of "respect" *roll eyes* My mom doesn't get the concept of atheism. She thinks I need a psychiatrist because I don't believe that the photos of the deities in our "puja" room can actually see and hear us and apparently also grant us wishes! Heh.

The line....!

Often, I wonder if there is an invisible line that forbids us from wrong doing...most of us have grown up hearing the famous phrase "do not cross your limit" from our parents and I guess have wondered the same, WHAT is the limit?

Somehow my line seems a little blurred nowadays....like the distinction between scarlet and red (I am blissfully unaware of it) my sense of right and wrong gets blurred...somehow what I thought was wrong yesterday seems more and more right nowadays and the things I hoped are right seem so much like a clumsy blunder I might have made in my sleep....probably like the phone call we get in the middle of the night and we mumble a few incomprehensible words and then conveniently forgetting it the next day.

Perhaps, I am in a state of slumber .....perhaps I have always been...but it is painful to wake up. Who is the culprit? Time? Age? Emotions? Sometimes, life seems extremely stupid. The things we pay most attention to, extremely trivial. The fights we have, extremely silly. The things we buy, extremely worthless. Often, we are so swayed by our own emotions, we hardly realize the gravity of our decision. Hence takes birth REGRET...

Its strange how the things we build up for expulsion somehow always remains within. Like a mad old collector, we hungrily and almost jealously guard our sentiments. Not for selfish gain....but almost always in fear....fear of being exposed. By now, I am seriously at a loss as to where this post is going but as I said, almost everything seems to be blurred to me.

Its been a month I came home. A month my books are lying abandoned, collecting dust. A month I've been thinking.....what am I doing? what am I going to do? A month of having the novelty of a TV in my bedroom. A month. Surprising how much time I can waste by simply doing NOTHING. Nothing worth mentioning, that is.......so, my holiday mission is to somehow achieve the size of a baby...err...teen elephant.....(evident from my diet...or rather the lack of it). And guess what? I might just get that PhD degree in HARRY POTTER....I've been reading the whole series for the 150th time....this time along with fan fiction...Erm, my teacher at college told me not to use 'short paragraphs' in my answers....ruins the drama she said. Hope she doesn't mark THIS blog post! I'll be getting a zero surely. LOL.

Holidays were never nice. Its not healthy to sit idle....for me! Ridiculously weird thoughts keep haunting my brain and I keep haunting my friends asking them the weirdest questions of their life....also, holidays have always proved to be the 'self-assessment' period for me....where I keep on replaying my memories and wondering how and when and what and why they could have been different!

Ananya was right. Only the first holiday away from hostel seems fun. This one is simply dragging. I miss the hostel. Even though the food, the bathrooms, the rooms SUCK! I mean, is it ever the place? I think its the people who matter! For e.g. I'd rather die than miss my biology classes at school but I do miss my benchmates!

I think I should sign off...before I start bawling over the keyboard! Ciao!

P.S. Comments and criticism welcome! :P

This thing called "LOVE"

Love is what a mother feels for her new born child, even after a long and painful birth. When a sister runs to help her younger sibling even after a bad quarrel the night before.




Love is when a son looks forward to eating his mom's home cooked food even when he can afford 5* hotels. When a dad prays for his son's happiness even after he was abandoned in his old age.


Love is when a friend hates the person you hate even if they don't even know the culprit personally. When your plant refuses to die and bears flowers even after you forgot to water it a couple of days.

Love is when your friends plan a surprise for your birthday and you get to know about it but you go ahead and pretend to be surprised anyways. When I know writing about love has become so very common but I go ahead and publish it anyways just for the love of writing!

path...sigh

Seeing you, standing so far yet so near
Took me back in time.
When you'd be waiting for me
Standing just like that;
Love, adoration shining like a halo
Surrounding me in its warmth.

Yet today, I feel none of it
Even though you look just the same.
But the halo not for me
Eyes dry, throat even drier;
I try to call out to you
But the words get choked.

Because suddenly, you smile
At her, with even more adoration.
Jealously tears me up
I walk away, not really rejected;
But so very left out, so very lonely
Sadness so raw, I evade even tears.