The Past Week

On the last day in the hostel Jasmine and I were fighting over a bar of Temptation Roast Almond like two four year old kids (I doubt even they do these kind of things now) and fall apart laughing and we also promised to repeat it when we are on webcam! LOWL!
Sigh I hardly realised that I'd be home so soon. Missing you guys. <3

The last week has been a long long torture. First came the day with the 6 honours where the whole department almost died. Then there was a continuous hitting of Macbeth, Puck, Demetrius, Hermia, Dacry, Elizabeth, Banquo, Jack, Lydia and also a stream of modern realities going on. My life is currently on a path of self discovery and spiritualism. LOL. Okay! That was a PJ! :D

Long back, I had written a little article on indignation, detestation, contempt and other not so "strong" emotional words. I believe hatred, anger and love are quite "strong" words to be used in a daily basis. "I hate her", "I love you" etc would hardly hold any deeper meaning if you start quoting these everyday. Lately, I am in a fix. As in a psychological one. I don't want to hate anyone. I actually don't hate people. Its unhealthy and also a waste of energy. Yeah, don't roll your eyes. I mean it. Recently though some people in my life are acting such that my resolve may just dissolve. *shake of head*

What I don't get is WHY do people have to be so complicated? Making up stories to hide their own flaws and as a result hurting others. Or simply making up stories to hurt other people. You don't along with me, well and good. But stop trying to influence others. GOD! Some people are SO jobless and then we exclaim how we never seem to have enough time.

Back home, its a riot right now. Durga Puja's here and my mom insists that we all get up early morning as a mark of "respect" *roll eyes* My mom doesn't get the concept of atheism. She thinks I need a psychiatrist because I don't believe that the photos of the deities in our "puja" room can actually see and hear us and apparently also grant us wishes! Heh.

The Conflict

Every one has problems in life. Love. Studies. Friends. Fashion. And every person who has a teen son/daughter in these 'troubled' years have TWO. The Internet and the phone. I know because my mom has handled me and now she's handling my sis. Sigh. I really respect her! We both are no easy teenage! My friends will vouch for that! :P

So, its my last night home. Not literally. Am coming back AGAIN for some more holidays! But that's 3 months later. Staying home made me realise that somehow I want to be with my friends at hostel and also be with my family at home. Its seriously a big conflict. Hostel. Home. Both? 


The one I miss most away from home is my mom. She is and will always be the best person of my world. Keeping it short. Will miss mom. Wish I could have the best of both worlds. Guess Hannah is the only lucky one. :(


Signing off.......bye Guwahati!

The Deadline

I am never good at deadlines. Let alone submitting a project before the last day, I hardly ever reach my classes on time.

Even though I live just 2 minutes away from college, I'm invariably late for class EVERY DAY! It doesn't matter whether it's a morning class or an afternoon one, I am ALWAYS late.

Even in relationships, I realise my mistakes a little too late. According to my ex, when I asked him the reason of our break up, ONE year later [see what I mean by TOO LATE?] he replied, "We were both at fault but you let your ego down too late."


7 months back, I shifted my base from my hometown to this noisy excuse of a city, Kolkata!

Being a Bengali, it is inevitable that I'll have many known people but the horde of relatives we have here surprised even my mom!


Most of these people don't know even of my existence but among these strangers live some really special people - my mom's family!

My maternal grandparents, my mom's elder sister, i.e. my Boro mashi, her family (mesho, dadabhai & didi) and my mom's younger sister, i.e. my Choto mashi. Being a clever woman, she hasn't married yet!

My Grandfather passed away earlier this year in March and neither I nor my mom had the chance to say goodbye living miles away. After his death, my grandma, i.e. my Dida, lost all zeal in life. She had always been a tiny yet strong woman with wonderful anecdotes. She had always been a strength for all of us, always perking us with her funny odd ways.

After arriving in Kolkata, I had the chance to meet her for about a handful of times, including my 19th birthday. But joining college, time was scarce. Before going back to Guwahati for Puja holidays, I met her once more, purely by coincidence. After holidays, I didn't have the 'time' to see her as in a cruel stab of fate, right after a few days of my arrival to Kolkata, she fell ill and had to be taken to the hospital.

1st there were exams and then stupid excuses, I never got the time to see her.

Sunday - the only possible day to see her, seemed too full suddenly.

Finally, as my Christmas holidays came nearer, I planned to visit her the first thing! But, before I could, fate played again - she passed away......

I vividly remember my mom's words as she called me, devoid of any emotion, "She's no more. I couldn't see her the last time."

Numb with shock, guilt and sadness couldn't measure up to what I was feeling. My mom, thousands of miles away couldn't see her.....but me??? What I did had no excuses. You may say its not your fault but I don't believe that. I am living in guilt.

Like with everything else, I was a little too late but this time, there was no extension. I missed this deadline.....forever.

The worst part - I know she's forgiven me.

As I stood next to her lifeless form, all I could remember was the words she used to say every time we parted, "Abar dekha hobe" [we'll meet again]

No......this time, nothing will work...I missed my deadline along with those unspoken words meant for you. All that is left now are the endless memories that live beyond deadline..........Dida, you'll be remembered. I promise.