The Past Week

On the last day in the hostel Jasmine and I were fighting over a bar of Temptation Roast Almond like two four year old kids (I doubt even they do these kind of things now) and fall apart laughing and we also promised to repeat it when we are on webcam! LOWL!
Sigh I hardly realised that I'd be home so soon. Missing you guys. <3

The last week has been a long long torture. First came the day with the 6 honours where the whole department almost died. Then there was a continuous hitting of Macbeth, Puck, Demetrius, Hermia, Dacry, Elizabeth, Banquo, Jack, Lydia and also a stream of modern realities going on. My life is currently on a path of self discovery and spiritualism. LOL. Okay! That was a PJ! :D

Long back, I had written a little article on indignation, detestation, contempt and other not so "strong" emotional words. I believe hatred, anger and love are quite "strong" words to be used in a daily basis. "I hate her", "I love you" etc would hardly hold any deeper meaning if you start quoting these everyday. Lately, I am in a fix. As in a psychological one. I don't want to hate anyone. I actually don't hate people. Its unhealthy and also a waste of energy. Yeah, don't roll your eyes. I mean it. Recently though some people in my life are acting such that my resolve may just dissolve. *shake of head*

What I don't get is WHY do people have to be so complicated? Making up stories to hide their own flaws and as a result hurting others. Or simply making up stories to hurt other people. You don't along with me, well and good. But stop trying to influence others. GOD! Some people are SO jobless and then we exclaim how we never seem to have enough time.

Back home, its a riot right now. Durga Puja's here and my mom insists that we all get up early morning as a mark of "respect" *roll eyes* My mom doesn't get the concept of atheism. She thinks I need a psychiatrist because I don't believe that the photos of the deities in our "puja" room can actually see and hear us and apparently also grant us wishes! Heh.

Effing much! Duh...

Every morning I wake up and go through with my day....at the end, I sigh.....what was so good about it?

Now, don't even dare to think am writing a philosophy research paper on "Happiness in life" because I am not! Take yesterday for example...neither did I turn Superwoman and save the day, nor did I win the Nobel Prize. Sigh! But that's my incompetency. When I was a kid (strange...using the past tense), I used to dream of being whisked away to Hogwarts by Hagrid....When my 11th birthday came, my parents didn't know WHY I was so upset despite having done everything they could do to make my birthday special! You see, they didn't BELIEVE  that Hagrid would come.


Soooo, I gathered I am not gonna be a witch...not a pretty good thought you know! Flying away aboard my very own Firebolt was a route...an escape route...from what I couldn't possibly tell! But it seemed a good idea that time. Seems like, it still is...may be not the Firebolt...but the running away part!


Sigh...............too many dots....indicates the recent gap I am suffering from, almost like a block! Speaking of blocks, I FINALLY overcame my reader's block AAAAANNNNDDDD finished Jeffrey Archer's False Impressions in a flat 4 hours reading session. What used to be an engaging pastime has turned into the toughest exam for me - reading! Always an avid reader, imagine my shock when I used to be staring at a page for half hour or so and realising that I've managed to read only 5 effing words!!! Being able to finish a WHOLE novel was equal to an achievement!


Achievements! Another thread.....almost everything I do nowadays feels like one! Am so exhausted all the time that even the effort of typing has become nothing short of a 'dream come true' ....Just 5 minutes back, my cousin called and made plans for dinner out tonight! Nothing new...but the very task of getting up from my comfy bed and dressing up for an outing no longer holds appeal! Sigh....guess the years are finally catching up on me! To cap it, I have to wash my hair too because I was just too lazy to do it in the morning! See, I feel like a 200 kg 80 year old lump! SIGH! I need a boost up! I need chocolate! ...........................................ummm, okay I feel better!!! Nothing like a good old bar of dairy milk !! Aaaahhhh! Chocolate is most definitely the food of the gods!


When I made this blog, I made myself promise never to hit the backspace while typing except for the usual typing mistakes....guess if I keep it up, all I will be posting is this sort of haphazard thoughts! Bah :/ who cares??? Do you?

The line....!

Often, I wonder if there is an invisible line that forbids us from wrong doing...most of us have grown up hearing the famous phrase "do not cross your limit" from our parents and I guess have wondered the same, WHAT is the limit?

Somehow my line seems a little blurred nowadays....like the distinction between scarlet and red (I am blissfully unaware of it) my sense of right and wrong gets blurred...somehow what I thought was wrong yesterday seems more and more right nowadays and the things I hoped are right seem so much like a clumsy blunder I might have made in my sleep....probably like the phone call we get in the middle of the night and we mumble a few incomprehensible words and then conveniently forgetting it the next day.

Perhaps, I am in a state of slumber .....perhaps I have always been...but it is painful to wake up. Who is the culprit? Time? Age? Emotions? Sometimes, life seems extremely stupid. The things we pay most attention to, extremely trivial. The fights we have, extremely silly. The things we buy, extremely worthless. Often, we are so swayed by our own emotions, we hardly realize the gravity of our decision. Hence takes birth REGRET...

Its strange how the things we build up for expulsion somehow always remains within. Like a mad old collector, we hungrily and almost jealously guard our sentiments. Not for selfish gain....but almost always in fear....fear of being exposed. By now, I am seriously at a loss as to where this post is going but as I said, almost everything seems to be blurred to me.

Its been a month I came home. A month my books are lying abandoned, collecting dust. A month I've been thinking.....what am I doing? what am I going to do? A month of having the novelty of a TV in my bedroom. A month. Surprising how much time I can waste by simply doing NOTHING. Nothing worth mentioning, that is.......so, my holiday mission is to somehow achieve the size of a baby...err...teen elephant.....(evident from my diet...or rather the lack of it). And guess what? I might just get that PhD degree in HARRY POTTER....I've been reading the whole series for the 150th time....this time along with fan fiction...Erm, my teacher at college told me not to use 'short paragraphs' in my answers....ruins the drama she said. Hope she doesn't mark THIS blog post! I'll be getting a zero surely. LOL.

Holidays were never nice. Its not healthy to sit idle....for me! Ridiculously weird thoughts keep haunting my brain and I keep haunting my friends asking them the weirdest questions of their life....also, holidays have always proved to be the 'self-assessment' period for me....where I keep on replaying my memories and wondering how and when and what and why they could have been different!

Ananya was right. Only the first holiday away from hostel seems fun. This one is simply dragging. I miss the hostel. Even though the food, the bathrooms, the rooms SUCK! I mean, is it ever the place? I think its the people who matter! For e.g. I'd rather die than miss my biology classes at school but I do miss my benchmates!

I think I should sign off...before I start bawling over the keyboard! Ciao!

P.S. Comments and criticism welcome! :P

often...

I often wonder where I would have been if  had half the things  I had meant to do!

what if I had really exercised and lost all the extra flab?

how would my life been different?

• I would have got clothes of my size!
• I wouldn't have been falling over my OWN feet....or maybe I would have? Erm, difficult!
• I would have fitted into a rickshaw with another person.
• I wouldn't have been labelled "appy legs".

Anyways they really didn't affect me, did it? I mean I am still living without following the "PRIMARY" thingy I plan before evry holiday - lose my extra flab!

Cheers to FATTY people!